run the redlights.

Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
- The Carpenters

i'm finally back from camp. group 3 - stoked oranges consisted of petrina, kay, szewai, grace, rachel chng, priya, caryn, sherlyn and me. um, we won the most enthu group? haha, i totally couldn't see the relevance in that, 'cause our group was only hyper on the last night, after the campfire. we were singing (which we nearly got scolded for) and the sec 1s were telling us all the sick jokes. i think our campfire item was cute! oranges of the world unite! =)
did the usual at camp - pitch tents, gadget making, outdoor cooking, games, duties, campfire. this year we had bowling though, and that was fun! i need to brush up on my bowling!
not going to go into much detail about camp, it's basically almost the same every year. oh yeah, my manito was lysia! and the one i picked was kelly but she went home on the second day before i even got the chance to write a letter to her! so i wrote to kelly's manito, which was debbie, instead.
yeah and thanks to all those who helped finish my food in one way or another. i think that would be ah-ma, deb and xiang? haha, nothing new for ah-ma since she's always helping me finish my food.

i guess that's all for camp, nothing much to say. there's loads to do! hw, guides stuff, catching movies, and and, christmas shopping! oh man, so much to do and yet so little time!

let your heart out.

haha i'm like a bouncy bunny on high now. bouncing in between the computer to chat and blog and tv to watch amazing race.

updates on this week!
monday, we (deb, ah-ma, delia, xiang and i) went to east coast park. we cycled for a darn long time, from one end to another and i'm pleased to annouce that deb and xiang have learnt the art of cycling! okay what crap, haha. we went bowling too! oh man, my bowling seriously sucks.

today, we had guides to do up the team flag and identity. after that, we (deb, delia, xiang, ah-ma and i) went to plaza sing to buy our manito's presents. haha, debbie and ziying were there too. it resulted in a flurry of um, movements and activies? haha. i got christmas cards from precious thots at a bargain! they're nice!

tag replies..
delia: okayy.. i still find the bear sister thing weird. i don't get it, like were you willing to be his sister? and why is it you know why he isn't scary?
xiang: hi, you're rubbish as usual. what, nice to me, scary to you. haha.
deb: haha, i'm not depressed already. =)
debbie: yes, if you produce *ahem* everything, i would get even more freaked out. haha. and i think you further proved ziying's point with more *ahem* products.
fellow lightbulb: hello! haha. yes i did get your previous tag. but what i don't understand now is the yi jiao ta liang chuan part. explain please, thank you.

3 days to camp. no comments. haha.

let your heart out.

i like going to church every sunday. it's been great, both last week and this week. going to church helps me sort out my thoughts and it's like getting a break away from it all. this week's sermon was inspiring, at least for me. there was this point where father said that the worst disease of all was feeling unwanted. haha, but i've come to realize that i'm not truly unwanted. so i'm not suffering the worst disease of all. anyways, today's sermon really helped me decide what to do. there were so many sentences such as giving encouragement and appreciation and all. and i've decided that it doesn't matter if i receive back anything in return (at least i hope i manage not to care if i recive anything), 'cause as long as i've tried, as long i've extended the friendship, as long as i'm there to care, to give support to, i'm being a friend. so yeah. i'm glad i've finally decided what to do. =)

let your heart out.

it's keeping me awake every night
but i can never seem to give up on you
i send up a prayer and i'm unto on another one thousand
i can never seem to give up on you

it's scary how everyone thinks everything would go back to normal. i really do mean practically everyone, which would incl ah-ma, deb and anna. or at least that's what they seem to think since they don't seem to be doing anything. why is it this time, unfortunately, everybody seems to be wrong?

it's irritating when you're facing a crisis and some people know and still seem insistent on hinting about love and going on about getting caught in between. oh for goodness sake, knock it off would you.

it's depressing when next year for my Os, i'm gonna get all f9s 'cause of all the constant breakdowns resulting in not being able to focus.

it's pathetic and sad. that's the current state of life and probably would be for the, oh i don't know, next 20 years or so. congratulate me.

let your heart out.

after nights of tears being cried, after nights of pondering, i'm resigned to the fact that i'm going to lose one of my best friends. just as i feared i would, but that's the way things are. so now i'm gonna be bestfriend-less in crescent. just like in lower sec and i hated the feeling of it. even though i had best friends outside crescent, i felt like there was no one i could truly rely on. well, it's time to face up to reality that the situation would be repeating itself next yr and i hope that this time, i wouldn't be so affected by it, after all, it's my O level year. i'll bear in mind that i still have close friends like ah-ma, deb and anna in crescent and best friends like yunsan outside crescent. we might be friends or even close friends, but things would never be the same again.

so i guess my future life looks pretty bleak. no more shopping (ah-ma, deb and anna absolutely hate shopping), no more iceskating (if deb and me are the only ones skating, where's the fun in that?) and no more suntanning (they all think it's a waste of time). so basically, mum's gonna be happy that i'll be home so much of next year to do revision when poor me is gonna be stuck at home.

i'll have to be more independent, seeing that i have no one i can completely rely on now. i'll only be able to talk to a best friend at night on occasional days, after we both made space in our hectic schedules. i guess i'm gonna be keeping a lot within me next year. probably meaning that i'll blog more often.

yunsan was oh so wrong when she said that surely 9 years of friendship would be stronger than a few months of relationship.

let your heart out.

currently listening to vitamin c's graduation (friends forever), the one that's overplayed but still so meaningful.
as our lives change
come whatever
we will still be friends forever

ha. i don't know what to say about that. i always thought the lyrics were true but now i'm not so sure. too much change and poof, there you go, complicated mess (in this case, in my viewpoint). but then again, everyone has differing viewpoints. so maybe to others, this isn't a mess? so maybe i'm the only one who thinks things are getting out of hand while others are indifferent and don't care much about it? sheesh, i really don't know. it's scary though, how one matter could mean so much to someone while it means so little to another.

let your heart out.

i guess i'm kind of in a confused mood now, i'm doing things without a valid basis. i know my actions just now wasn't friendly at all, sorry. just give me time to think please.

just came home from bukit merah central where delia dragged me to. i was at macs with ah-ma and her doing a math homework. how guai of us. haha. anyways, it was pretty hilarious. the first thing we did when we stepped in was laugh. and we were quite mean 'cause we couldn't stop laughing and commenting on how they each looked with that stupid yellow thing. delia's horrified about it. sth happened before we left when delia bought ice cream cones. oh my gosh, it was so funny. delia wanted to stick the ice cream into my face 'cause i kept laughing about it. i think going to macs is always interesting. haha.

it's been said that ppl utter their true feelings about matters when they're drunk. does the same principle apply when they're depressed?

it's the little things i remember that make me smile.

let your heart out.

i'm in no mood to blog unlike times when i'm down and have loads to blog about. if you did happen to read today's original post, erase it 'cause i'm not satisfied with that one. i'll blog again when i've straightened out my thinking and when someone would just analyse this whole thing for me without being biased. i'm too exhausted to be doing the analsying anymore. but one part of the original post still remains here 'cause i really mean it:
a big thank you goes out to yunsan for being there when i really need her. i promise i'll be okay after i destress. haha and yes i know you'll always be here and i realized that my saying of being an abandoned lil girl might have hurt your feelings 'cause i still have amazing friends like you. sorry!

let your heart out.

i'm required to post again.. 'cause debbie "tagged" me.
so i shall just play along, here are the rules of the game:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuffs about yourself
2. At the end of the quiz list the names of 5 people who you want next to do this and leave a comment "you are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.

okay so here are the weird/random stuff about me
1. i'm naturally paranoid. i think of the worst in some situations and i freak out 'cause of that. haha.
2. i totally don't watch any chinese shows or listen to any chinese music now. just english shows (o.c and survivor!) and music (98.7fm) for me! i guess you could say i'm more westernized?
3. i'm a self-confessed spoilt brat. (does "i want my tatty teddy!" sound familiar? haha.) i guess that comes from being an only child. deb says i act like a three-year old kid. hmph. i'm not a three-year old kid okay!
4. i always go on planning mode, ("from 12 to 1230 we have lunch and then from 1230 to 1400 we shop, then from 1400.." - you get the idea), and i talk really fast and no one actually understands what i'm saying and deb would be giving me that weird look after i'm done. haha.
5. i hate the month may! (go ask yunsan and xiangyi for the reason although i'm sure others know why too)

the 5 chosen ones to continue on with this game:
1. nicole
2. tisha
3. polly
4. delia
5. anna [although i think it'll be dec by the time she sees the tag, haha]

let your heart out.

oh gosh i've been blogging so much this week. i guess it's mainly 'cause this week (except monday) has been such a disaster. breakdowns, blown-offs, blow-ups and much more. even going to town two days couldn't help much. i've been feeling hurt, annoyed and irritated. in additon, frustrated that i couldn't do anything to prevent the series of events that would lead me to feeling that way. i practically wasted my entire saturday; i initially wanted to go town (again) but seeing that no one's going with me there's no point at all. i sound so pathetic, like i've got no friends to go out with me on a saturday. it would be impossible to drag ah-ma and debbie out after they went to town for two days straight and for the ones who would willingly go town.. ..well let's just leave it at that.
i hope that this week ends on a good note tmr, there's been one too many crappy days this week.

let your heart out.

okay my mood has improved considerably since the last post but there still hasn't that sense of contentment or peace within me.

had geog lessons in the morning and i went to town with ah-ma, xiang, deb and anna. we were being so piggish! haha. first, we went to macs at shaw centre to eat "breakfast". riight, it was 11 and i wanted my hashbrown anyways. then at 12, we went to pasta mania to eat the set lunches. meals within one hour of each other! returned to sch for eng which wasn't as bad as tue. returned back to town for ice-cream with xiang after that. we broke a record today. haha.

juggled phone calls with yunsan and xiang, msn conversations and games with ah-ma and geraldine and sms-ing just now.it was such confusion, haha.
i don't think i ever gave him false hope and everything has be laid right out on the table now, much thanks to xiang..
let's just see how everything goes, i don't think i can do much now.

let your heart out.

just had a talk with yunsan on the phone and everything just seems real now. yunsan said that it's obvious *her* priorities have changed and how the "friends" have taken a backseat. okay just go believe him, just listen to him, you don't even bother listening to us anymore. even though these thoughts have been swimming in my head for a while now, it seems so sureal when someone actually voices it out. it's scary how 3 years of building this friendship could seem to dissolve soon. ys saw this point too, that *our* friendship could end just like that and it's scary 'cause she said i couldn't do anything about it which i'm starting to think it's kind of true. even though i felt mean for acting so badly, there was a reason behind my behaviour and i think it's logical. hey, it's human reaction, everyone gets upset. everyone (like delia) thinks i'm the bad guy, that's doing horrible things to prevent it. if only they knew.
and you wouldn't see the tears i cried.

let your heart out.

today, towned with anna, ah-ma, deb, amy and yihui. we went to the new wistma food court and we couldn't finish our respective lunches so we ended up switching like ah-ma and deb had to help me finish mine while deb and me were eating anna's, and we all had to help finish the food amy and yihui ordered! so we ended up pretty stuffed after that. went to taka where we bought "joy" and "hope". haha nice. and anna, deb and i were all asking ah-ma to buy for us the tatty teddies. deb left and the rest of us went to watch sky high. haha the movie was pretty good. walked down orchard after that and anna kept screaming and separating ah-ma and me 'cause she thought we were plotting against her! we weren't! yihui was all blur about the entire thing and i really couldn't blame her, we weren't making any sense at all. anna actually told her he was transexual and yihui believed. haha.

either i'm overly suspicious or i can play the psychology game too. i think it's probably the latter and pieces are coming together to form the barely-finished puzzle but i'm too emotionally exhausted to think any further.
dad was eavesdropping on my conversation on the phone that day and he posed this question: "is the idiot her other best friend?" that's a good question which i don't want to try to analyse. as i said, i'm emotionally exhausted. maybe those who know what on earth i'm talking about (like ah-ma) could tell me the answer?
xinyuan saw it coming in july, and at that time, i thought she was over-exaggerating a little. i thought that things would never come to that stage. unfortunately, i'm currently seeing everything unfold in front of my eyes and i'm feeling it now.

oh yes i've told ah-ma to whack me on my head (anna's phrase) or seriously wake me up if i ever throw away my girl friends for a guy. ah-ma! please remember this okay? oh and my tatty teddy too! ;)

i believe everything happens for a reason and i guess this time, it's to let me know how it feels so i'll never do that to my friends.

let your heart out.

my dear best friend, yunsan, has threatened to kill me if i "go out" with him. haha, wasn't planning to. anyways, deb managed to clear things up for me today. but thinking back now, i think it's really ironic that ys should be saying such a thing. i shouldn't the be the victim, like hello? what about those two people?

anyone who has seen me try to interpret sth chinese will know that my chinese totally sucks. well isn't this coincidental?
excuses excuses, pfft. and everyone else can see right through it.

we'll see what tmr brings.

let your heart out.

chan xiang yi has really slow reaction and i ask redundant questions. i swear, her facial expression then was hilarious. she very nearly wanted to spit the green tea out. i don't know if it's good or bad that she didn't. the funniest thing during what occured was really her facial expression. oh man, i couldn't stop laughing after that. haha =)

and there hasn't been any messages so far today! yes!

let your heart out.

i think i'm digging my own grave. yikes. i can't go on acting dumb, playing this mind game forever. i'm not that blur okay, i could have guessed right from the first few messages but i chose to act dumb, hoping that it would buy me more time. it did and it's still buying me time, for now. i don't know if he ever knows that i know and i don't care so long as he doesn't ask. i need to decide my course of action! shit. i'm running out of time and i have no idea what to do. i can't take anna's suggestion, i'm not heartless! how??
and that girl is still uncontactable! i've sent like 8 messages to her!

let your heart out.

i'm here to blog about class chalet! even though i didn't stay overnight, it was heaps of fun! haha

fri
met anna at plaza sing for lunch at pasta mania before heading to pasir ris. and we were like the second group of ppl to arrive at pasir ris! haha yeah so waited for the rest, took the shuttle, checked in and settled down. after taking lots of class pics, headed to the beach. haha, i think we were like sort of digging some kind of irrigation system with no purpose. totally pointless but quite funny 'cause we were competing with aunty's side to see who digged faster. haha. then we played games and sth really amusing happen. meily and polly were laughing non-stop at it! i think it seems very mean to say what exactly happened here, so if you want to know ask me. we had bbq after that, lots of nice food! following dinner, 13 of us went bowling. haha, we were being so nonsensical and since it was dark and nobody wanted to walk at the back of the group, we all started screaming and running towards the bowling alley. and get this, a group of girls when they saw us running and screaming actually screamed too! haha! we played one game there. i think it was hazimah, meily, kailing, annabel, carey, jocelyn and christine vs shuzhen, sarah, claire, polly, aunty and me. our group lost by over 100 points! so we had to "down 5". as polly pointed out, even the little kids in the lane next to us could bowl even better than us! haha but bowling was fun, we were all screaming and cheering.

sat
we went to escape at 10 and polly actually managed to get in, paying the child's admisson fee while the rest of paid double the price of hers! haha anyways, escape was quite fun. we took the indoor rollercoaster twice 'cause it was raining and we screamed for the sake of making it more fun. haha. the first time, i was sitting next to claire and i kept hitting her whenever the car turned! the second time, i was sitting next to carey and the two of us were screaming while jeanette and sabrina were in front laughing 'cause we were screaming. then we took the viking and get this, the group of us split and had around 9 ppl sitting in both ends and had a screaming contest. haha, it was really very amusing and all. oh and we took the invertor too! i was sitting right in the front with christine and claire and none of took it before. and when it was upside down, i was more preoccupied with keeping my slippers on than anything else! queued up at the go-kart for an hr where we (jocelyn, aunty, claire and i) were terrified that we would hit sth or get stuck and embarrass ourselves and anna decided she couldn't trust any of our driving skills that she'd rather not be a passenger! hey, our driving didn't turn out that bad. haha if i'm not wrong, we took all of the rides there except for the ferris wheel and bumper boats . spent like 6 and a 1/2 hours there and the remaining 6 of us left at 4.30pm with the nice big roll of cotton candy! oh and yes, we saw nicole there too! =)

let your heart out.

picture of yunsan's "booboo" at her request. taken during our "after exams activities"!

let your heart out.

i wanna play tennis and go swimming tmr! but i can't 'cause i'm falling sick. or rather, i've fallen sick.. hmph. i wanted to go play tennis, i miss playing tennis. it's been such a long time since i've last played. oh wells. hope i get well soon so that tmr can be well-spent instead of me lazing around at home feeling so sick with no mood to do anything.

anyways yesterday was rather fun. went to east coast with my cousins (melissa, madeline and marianne). my mum and dad actually got kinda sun-burnt! oh goodness, they were in the sun for barely an hour and half! and i didn't get any darker. hmph. went to their house after that, guess that was when i got my cold.. went for all saints day mass after that.

oh i forgot to add in my previous post that i can be pretty blind about certain things. i can spot where ppl are, but i can't, like, see their actions! oh no, haha.

fri's math lessons are cancelled! class chalet on fri and sat! =)

let your heart out.

angela siow
angela thng
annabel
ariel
carey
cassandra ng(6a'02)
cassandra ng (guides)
debbie ng
debbie tan
denise
esther
ethel
huisi
isabelle
jessica
julia
karen
karmen
kelly
madeline
marianne
melody
michelle
nathalie RACHEL
nicole
nicolette
petrina
polly
rachel yeo
regina
rowena
shamita
stephanie
teri
theresa
wyntrice
xiangmei
xinyuan
yuxiu
zhixin

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